Aidpage

Hi Gabby44. I'm so sorry that you are going through all this. I have been living (?) with treatment-resistant-depression (medication/med-combinations do not work, nor has uni-lateral and bi-lateral ECT) for 15 years (at least that's when I was diagnosed), bi-polar disorder, PTSD, and dissociative identity disorder. Due to my illness I had to file for bankruptcy in 1997 because didn't have health insurance & my prescription costs alone were about $1000 a month. My housing is currently in question since I have a hard time paying the rent. I'm lucky enough to have qualified for SSD, but the amount does not cover living costs. The process was awful, but it has helped some. I don't have any answers for you, but I do hope you are in therapy and working with a psychiatrist for medication. I know all too well how hard it is to keep going, but please don't give up hope. Are you involved with a church or some other spiritual organization? If not, I encourage you to find one. It has helped me tremendously. You will be in my prayers. One of my favorite quotes also keeps me moving forward: "When going through hell, keep going."
Peace,
Jennifersculpts

Mom's getting worse. Haven't stopped crying since Saturday.

What an awful situation for you and your family. Living in an area where you are not safe debilitates one, which gets worse the longer you stay. I can certainly relate to the need to re-locate, but not having the financial means to do so. I'm in a similar situation, although my need/desire to move is not due to a dangerous and violent neighborhood. I hate the helplessness I feel when the finances needed to improve the quality of life (and I don't mean a big house, fancy car, etc.... just being able to live in a place where we can live simply and focus on what's important to us) just aren't there. I like Rosie327's idea, although it may be difficult to rent your place and you would need to be careful that the tenants don't destroy the place. I would also research resources in your area for rental assistance and any other assistance your area offers (we have government rental assistance for those who qualify, but most waitlists are closed). Please try not to let the situation paralyze you and your husband. I do know how hard it is to try to get help (eg. the cops not helping) and continually run into wall after wall, but it sounds like you really need to get out of there. You are in my prayers. Please keep us posted on your situstion.

Well, I'm angry this morning. I'm trying to go to Texas (from NY) to help out with my Mom who has stage IV lung cancer. My sister lives close to her and has been providing the best support she can: accompanying her to doctors appointments, chemo, cooking for her a couple times a week, etc. I've wanted to be there from the start, but my doctors and Reverand have been adament about not running to her due to my history of abuse within the family. I am planning to go down in November to be with her and also give my sister a bit of a break. So here's why I'm angry: the latest email from my sister (last night) indicates that my mother is significantly worse. I keep in touch with my mother regularly, but she doesn't/isn't able to give specific information on how she is. All she tells me is that she's wiped out. I've asked my sister to keep my up to date on Mom's condition, but she's been vague. Now she tells me Mom is on serious pain medication (last I was told, she was not having any pain) and she's not doing well. I let her know I wanted to be there for Thanksgiving, but she said it might not be a good idea due "to her condition." I need much more specific information on my mother's condition as some hard decisions may need to be made soon. I reiterated this to my sister again this morning, so let's hope communication improves. My heart is heavy with saddness about my Mom and my worsening (again) depression. Feeling somewhat hopeless, but praying for strength and grace.

Hi. I haven't visited Aidpage in quite a while. I hope to be more involved going forward. Like many here, things are not going well for me. I have Treatment Resistant Depression, PTSD, and Dissociative Identity Disorder, all of which I've been in treatment for since 1995. I'm still alive, though, and that's good. My father passed away last year and my mom was diagnosed with stage IV lung cancer this past Spring. Her cancer has metastasized, she's had a large tumor removed from her upper chest (along with 4 ribs and part of her breast bone), but the cancer is in her blood now and she has large tumors on both adrenal glands. She's undergoing chemotherapy which will continue only until it gets too bad. The doctors say treatment is palliative at this point, so it's a quality of life issue now. My illness has prevented me from being with her (she's in Texas, I'm in New York) and this saddens me greatly. Even though she participated (by not protecting me) in the abuse I experienced from my father from about age 4 until I left home for college, I still love her and have a tremendous need to be there for her. It leaves me in a state of confusion and conflict. Unfortunately, my illness is getting worse and my doctors can't find medication/med-combo that eases the pain. I'm unable to work, but I'm trying to focus on my art (I have a BFA in sculpture and an MA in Art Therapy from NYU). Finances (or lack there of) cause tremendous anxiety and although I'm doing all I can, things are bleak. Well, that's it for now. Perhaps today will be better than yesterday.